Parenting Your 4 Year Old

JUMP TO SECTION

The Phase when anything can be imagined, everything can be a game, and one curious preschooler wants to know, “why?”

IMAGINATION IS REALITY

Your four-year-old may suddenly turn your bedroom into a train station, a castle, or both. But imagination may also turn deceptive. Your four-year-old may suddenly insist the cat ate her cupcake, her bed somehow got wet from the rain, and maybe it was Grandma who spilled nail polish on the furniture.

EVERYTHING CAN BE A GAME

You motivate your preschooler best when you appeal to their desire to play. Whatever the task, turn it into a game; make it fun. You might even let them take the lead and create a game you both can play. Your four-year-old is wired to have fun with you.

THEY HAVE A NEWFOUND CURIOSITY

Whether it’s showcased in pouring all the dish soap into the3 sink at once, or the constant repetition of “Why? Why? Why?”, you're preschooler is eager to know how the world works. So when they ask you “Why” for the second and third time, remember they’re just looking for more of the knowledge they know you must have as an adult person.

Love to Give

“Am I okay?”

This is the one major question your four-year-old is asking. Life for a four-year-old can be confusing. It’s okay to throw a ball, but not a rock. You can hug your friend, but not squeeze his neck. Your four-year-old is learning the rules for life and encountering some necessary discipline.

Your preschooler needs to know you love them—even when they make bad choices. The best way to answer that question is by embracing their physical needs.

When you embrace their physical needs, you…

…communicate that they are safe.

…establish that the world can be trusted.

…demonstrate that they are worth loving.

WAYS TO LOVE

-Schedule your day. Write down all you do for your three-year-old on a typical day, and include how much time each task takes. Now take a minute to celebrate what a good parent you really are. It will be especially helpful to revisit this list on a bad day.

-Pay attention to what your four-year-old likes. What does your preschooler seem to enjoy the most right now?

-How are you taking time for yourself? It’s impossible to love anyone with the relentless effort a preschooler demands unless you are refueling each week. What are some ways you can take care of yourself so you are able to give your four-year-old the love they need?

-Who do you have around you supporting you this year? Family? Your Missional Community? Your DNA? Other friends?

Books to Read

Feelings
By Aliki

The Hat
By Jan Brett

Stone Soup
By Marcia Brown

The Little House
By Virginia Lee Burton

Stellaluna
By Janell Cannon

The Monster at the End of this Book
By Jon Stone

Corduroy (Series)
By Don Freeman

Make Way for Ducklings
By Robert McCloskey

Pete the Cat (Series)
By Eric Litwin and James Dean

The Little Mouse, the Red Ripe Strawberry, and the Big Hungry Bear
By Don and Audrey Wood

Strega Nona (Series)
By Tomie dePaola

Once Upon a Memory
By Nina Laden

The Story of Ferdinand
By Munro Leaf

Little Critter (Series)
By Mercer Mayer

Curious George
By H.A. Rey and Margret Rey

There’s a Wocket in My Pocket!
By Dr. Seuss

Sylvester and the Magic Pebble
By William Steig

The Emperor’s New Clothes
by Hans Christian Andersen

Gerald and Piggy (Series)
by Mo Willems

A Chair for my Mother
by Vera B. Williams

Milestones to Achieve

Work your four-year-old can do:

Dress themselves

Write their first name

Make simple snacks

Sort toys and put them away

Sort laundry (darks/lights)

Dust large surfaces

Help set the table (napkins and flatware)

Put dishes in the dishwasher

Help put detergent in the dishwasher

Hang up wet towels

Help carry groceries (the light ones)

Fun to Have

Toys:

Candyland

Chutes and Ladders

Don’t Break the Ice

Don’t Spill the Beans

Hungry Hungry Hippos

Ants in the Pants

Cootie

Memory

Activities:

Play-Doh

Finger paint, watercolors, or paintbrush

Crayons

24-piece puzzles

Play kitchen

Alphabet letters

Swing together

Throw or kick a ball

Play freeze games

Play “Duck, Duck, Goose”

Play “Simon Says”

Words to Speak

Thank you, good morning, you’re okay, I love you, keep trying, I will be back, please, I’m sorry, you can do it, you’re welcome, good night!

The best way to begin preparing your four-year-old for school is by improving their vocabulary. Here are a few ways you can help.

Talk to your preschooler—the more, the better.
When they talk, make eye contact.
Give your preschooler opportunities to make choices.
Read, sing, or make up rhymes.
Join your child in pretend play.

This year you will…

ESTABLISH BASIC NUTRITION

Maintain a good relationship with your pediatrician, and schedule a well visit at least once per year. You can also begin to build a foundation of healthy habits for your four-year-old with a few simple words.

Say things like…

Did you wash your hands?

Let’s pick a healthy snack.

Thank you for trying that.

Will you throw the ball with me?

Did you know carrots grow underground?

I love to watch you run/ride/kick the ball.

Can you help me cook?

INTRODUCE THEM TO THEIR BODY

Your four-year-old may be so comfortable with their body they have no problem running outside in their birthday suit. That confidence is a good thing, but it’s also a good time to start coaching them to understand privacy and personal boundaries.

Say things like…

Close the door when you go to the potty.

It’s polite to look away when someone is changing their clothes.

Can you give your sister some space?

Your penis/vagina/bottom/nipples are private, and we don’t show them to people.

If someone touches your private parts, come and tell me right away.

Don’t touch your private parts in public.

Your friend might not want you to sit on his face.

It’s always okay to tell someone ‘no’ if you don’t want them to touch you.

Sometimes the doctor might touch a private part to make sure you are healthy. It’s okay when I’m with you.

ENJOY THE ADVANTAGES OF TECHNOLOGY

One advantage to technology is being able to play online games with your four-year-old. One disadvantage is that your four-year-old may not be a very magnanimous loser (if you happen to win). Either way, it’s definitely a good idea to have some conversations about technology this year.

Say things like…

I’m texting Grandma to ask a question. (talk openly about technology as you use it.)

Let me see what you did.

I put my phone away when we are eating so we can talk to each other.

It’s time for you to put the iPad away.

You need to ask before you use the computer.

Let me show you what a galaxy looks like.

INCITE WONDER

Your four-year-old has many questions. Some might be about creation, heaven, church, and the Bible… and some of their questions might already be hard to answer. Don’t panic. Just like other topics, answer faith questions as simply as possible. If they need to ask more, they will.

Say things like…

Was Daniel afraid when he was thrown into the lion’s den? (Talk about what your preschooler learns on Sunday.)

God made you. God loves you. Jesus wants to be your friend forever.

Are you scared? Let’s talk to God about it.

Do not be afraid, for the Lord your God is with you. (Repeat simple Bible verses.)

Isn’t that wonderful? Let’s thank God for it.

Can you help me carry these socks?