Parenting Your 4th Grader

 Love to Give

“Do I have friends?”

This is the one major question your fourth grader is asking. They can understand different points of view, sympathize with others, and negotiate like a champ. That means one thing: Your influence is shifting. Your kid still needs you, but they are beginning to need you in a different way.

Your fourth grader needs friends. Sure, everyone needs a friend, but research shows there’s extraordinary value in having a best friend in the fourth grade. Kids need to share their most authentic version of themselves with another person. Give your fourth grader the love and acceptance they need by engaging their interests.

And remember…

…they are interested in friends. So this year include peers, coach relational skills, and help them develop healthy friendships. When you engage your fourth grader’s interests, you communicate, “Your relationships have value.”

WAYS TO LOVE

-Schedule your day. Write down all you do for your fourth grader on a typical day, and include how much time each task takes. Now take a minute to celebrate what a good parent you really are. It will be especially helpful to revisit this list on a bad day.

-Pay attention to what your fourth grader likes. What does your child seem to enjoy the most right now?

-How are you taking time for yourself? It’s impossible to love anyone with the relentless effort a fourth grader demands unless you are refueling each week. What are some ways you can take care of yourself so you are able to give your kid the love they need?

-Who do you have around you supporting you this year? Family? Your Missional Community? Your DNA? Other friends?

 Milestones to Achieve

Work your fourth grader can do:

Take temperature

Clip fingernails

Read to younger children

Do homework

Plant or pet sit for neighbors

Load and unload dishwasher

Vacuum carpet

Clean the bathroom

Wipe down mirrors and windows

Sort, wash, fold, and put away laundry

Use a hammer

Change bed sheets, make the bed, and clean their room

 Words to Speak

Good morning, I love you, I have noticed, keep trying, I hope you know, have fun, please, keep trying, thank you, I’m really proud when, want a hug?, I’ve been thinking, I’m sorry, work hard, be kind, I enjoy spending time with you, you are beautiful/handsome, I can always count you you to…, good night!

This year you will…

DEVELOP POSITIVE ROUTINES

Maintain a good relationship with your pediatrician, and schedule a well visit at least once per year. You can also begin to develop healthy habits for your fourth grader with a few simple words.

Say things like…

Would you go on a run with me?

I’m not sure drinking soda makes you look like that. (Talk about advertisements and body image.)

For girls: Sometimes before your period, your uterus muscles start to ache. (Talk about things like PMS, cramps, or what to do when you get your period at school.)

I love to watch you play!

Time for bed! (Pre-teens need 10-11 hours of sleep.)

What have you heard about marijuana? (Begin talking about drugs and alcohol.)

Almonds have healthy fat that your body needs.

INFORM THEM ABOUT HOW THINGS WORK

Your fourth grader is in a perfect phase for conversations about sexual integrity. Fourth graders are beginning to experience body changes (or have friends who are), so these conversations feel personally relevant. And a fourth grader still holds strongly to family values, so they believe that what you tell them is true… is true.

Say things like…

I’m so glad you asked me.

Can we talk more about this another time?

Pornography is dangerous because it often becomes an addiction that can limit your ability to enjoy real sex later.

Sex can be dangerous outside of marriage.

I don’t like to hear someone say that word because…

What kinds of things have you heard about sex?

Where did you hear about…?

What do you think that means?

You are beautiful/ handsome just the way you are.

EXPLORE THE POSSIBILITIES OF TECHNOLOGY

It may be getting harder to keep up with everything your fourth grader knows when it comes to digital devices, online games, apps, and software systems. Don’t fall back. Press in. Let your fourth grader teach you all the wonderful ways they are learning to use technology.

Say things like…

What do you think is a healthy amount of time online?

Can you help me figure out how to…?

Tell me more about how that works.

Have you ever seen someone say really mean things online?

Let me find out more about that, and I will let you know.

Can we play together? (Make technology social by playing online games together.)

Have you seen anything online that surprised you?

We should respect people online just as much as we respect them in person.

Sometimes people pretend to be someone they aren’t online. (Caution against contact with strangers.)

For help with cell phones (when to give one and how to restrict access), check out this free cell phone guide: ParentCue.org/cellphoneguide

PROVOKE DISCOVERY

Fourth graders are often introspective and enjoy having some alone time. Leverage this new tendency to help them develop a habit of spending time alone with God. Help them pick out a preteen devotional, and continue having faith conversations at home.

Say things like…

How can I pray for you today?

Having faith isn’t always easy, but we can trust God no matter what.

What do you think is the wisest choice in this situation?

If you were them, how do you think you would want to be treated?

Have you read anything in the Bible that means a lot to you right now?

“As for God, His way is perfect: the LORD’s word is flawless, He shields all who take refuge in Him.” Psalm 18:30 (Repeat simple Bible verses.)

Did you know that the Bible was written as 66 different books, but they all tell one story?

I’ve been wanting to serve more in our Missional Community. Is there some way we could serve together?

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