Parenting Your 5th Grader

 Love to Give

“Do I have friends?”

This is the one major question your fifth grader is asking. They can understand different points of view, sympathize with others, and negotiate like a champ. That means one thing: Your influence is shifting. Your kid still needs you, but they are beginning to need you in a different way.

Your fifth grader needs friends. Sure, everyone needs a friend, but research shows there’s extraordinary value in having a best friend in the fifth grade. Kids need to share their most authentic version of themselves with another person. Give your fifth grader the love and acceptance they need by engaging their interests.

And remember…

…they are interested in friends. So this year include peers, coach relational skills, and help them develop healthy friendships. When you engage your fifth grader’s interests, you communicate, “Your relationships have value.”

WAYS TO LOVE

-Schedule your day. Write down all you do for your fifth grader on a typical day, and include how much time each task takes. Now take a minute to celebrate what a good parent you really are. It will be especially helpful to revisit this list on a bad day.

-Pay attention to what your fifth grader likes. What does your child seem to enjoy the most right now?

-How are you taking time for yourself? It’s impossible to love anyone with the relentless effort a fifth grader demands unless you are refueling each week. What are some ways you can take care of yourself so you are able to give your kid the love they need?

-Who do you have around you supporting you this year? Family? Your Missional Community? Your DNA? Other friends?

 Milestones to Achieve

Work your fifth grader can do:

Bethe and put on deodorant

Take care of pets

Do homework

Plant or pet sit for neighbors

Put away groceries

Bake and cook simple meals

Organize and wipe out the fridge

Take out the trash

Read to younger children

Sort, wash, fold, and put away laundry

Make crafts to sell or donate

Change bed sheets, make their be, and clean their room

 Words to Speak

Good morning, I love you, I have noticed, keep trying, I hope you know, have fun, please, keep trying, thank you, I’m really proud when, want a hug?, I’ve been thinking, I’m sorry, work hard, be kind, I enjoy spending time with you, you are beautiful/handsome, you’ll do well in middle school because…, good night!

This year you will…

DEVELOP POSITIVE ROUTINES

Maintain a good relationship with your pediatrician, and schedule a well visit at least once per year. You can also begin to develop healthy habits for your fifth grader with a few simple words.

Say things like…

Would you go on a run with me?

Sometimes I wish magazines didn’t touch up all the photos. We never see real people. (Talk about advertisements and body image.)

I love to watch you play!

What would you like for dinner this week?

Time for bed! (Pre-teens need 10-11 hours of sleep.)

What have you heard about marijuana? (Begin talking about drugs and alcohol.)

Almonds have healthy fat that your body needs.

INFORM THEM ABOUT HOW THINGS WORK

Your fifth grader may be less comfortable talking with you about sex than in previous years. But, they still need to know you care enough about them and their body that you will push through the awkwardness to have a conversation. Fifth graders still believe that what you tell them is true… is true.

Say things like…

I’m so glad you asked me.

Can we talk more about this another time?

Pornography is dangerous because it often becomes an addiction that can limit your ability to enjoy real sex later.

Sex can be dangerous outside of marriage.

I don’t like to hear someone say that word because…

What kinds of things have you heard about sex?

Where did you hear about…?

What do you think that means?

You are beautiful/ handsome just the way you are.

Plan ahead. The middle school years can be tough. Eleven is the average age a kid views pornography for the first time. By the beginning of ninth grade, 30% of teens report being sexually active.

EXPLORE THE POSSIBILITIES OF TECHNOLOGY

Your fifth grader is online—and it might not always be when they are with you. But that should be even more reason for you to step up your game when it comes to conversations about technology.

Say things like…

I trust you. I don’t trust the other 800 million people on the internet.

What do you think is a healthy amount of time online?

Can you help me figure out how to…?

Tell me more about how that works.

Have you ever seen someone say really mean things online?

Let me find out more about that, and I will let you know.

Can we play together? (Make technology social by playing online games together.)

Have you seen anything online that surprised you?

We should respect people online just as much as we respect them in person.

Which of your friends have a phone? What do they do on their phone?

For help with how to manage phones at this phase, check out the free cell phone guide at ParentCue.org/CellPhoneGuide

PROVOKE DISCOVERY

In this phase where friendships matter more, so does your kid’s faith community. As your kid gets ready to move into your church’s student ministry, look for ways to prioritize the church connection, and continue having faith conversations at home.

Say things like…

How can I pray for you today?

Having faith isn’t always easy, but we can trust God no matter what.

What do you think is the wisest choice in this situation?

If you were them, how do you think you would want to be treated?

Have you read anything in the Bible that means a lot to you right now?

“Never ever tire of doing what is right.” 2 Thessalonians 3:13 (Repeat simple Bible verses.)

Did you know that the Bible was written as 66 different books, but they all tell one story?

I’ve been wanting to serve more in our Missional Community. Is there some way we could serve together?

That’s a great question. I don’t know, but we can find out.

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