Parenting Your 8th Grader

JUMP TO SECTION

The Phase when it’s cool to have choices, it’s not cool to answer questions, and one smart kid will remind you, “Yeah… I know.”

GIVE OPTIONS WHENEVER POSSIBLE

Remember when you had a two-year-old who wanted to “do it myself?” Your teenager’s resistance may not come in the form of a toddler tantrum, but the emotions may feel familiar. Whenever possible, give options so they have some freedom to choose.

RE-DEFINE THE CONVERSATION

Your eighth grader may answer your questions with one word, an eye-roll, or an all-too-clear facial expression. But don’t mistranslate the cues. Eighth graders actually want to have adult conversations sometimes. Be available—even if it seems a little pointless.

EIGHTH GRADERS ARE SMART

In fact, there may be no phase quite as smart as this one—just ask them. Being so much smarter than everyone else can really become a burden. Sometimes their patience just runs out, and they simply can’t explain it to you one more time. On some occasions, have fun going toe-to-toe with your eighth grader and challenge them back. Just remember, the important thing is how they personalize what they believe in this phase. So encourage their personal discoveries.

Love to Give

“Who do I want to be?”

This is the one major question your eighth grader is asking. Your eighth grader is cool. No longer at the mercy of an uncontrollable emotional outburst, eighth graders are increasingly able to self-regulate their actions, emotions, and activities.

Eighth graders enjoy setting a personal goal and working to achieve it. Their ambitions may outweigh their practical application to a task, but most teenagers in they phase are eager to do something significant. You can build your eighth grader’s sense of worth by affirming their personal journey.

When you affirm their personal journey, you communicate…

…you can make a difference at your school.

…you can make a difference in our community.

…you can make a difference in our family.

WAYS TO LOVE

-Time together. What are some times during your week when you connect best?

-Pay attention to what they like. What does your eighth grader enjoy the most right now?

-Take time for yourself. It’s impossible to consistently love someone as challenging as your eighth grader unless you have a little time for yourself. How can you refuel each week to give your teen the love they need?

Books to Read

The Boy in the Striped Pajamas
by John Boyne

Fahrenheit 451
by Ray Bradbury

Ender’s Game
by Orson Scott Card

My Antonia
by Willa Cather

Artemis Fowl
by Eoin Colfer

The Hunger Games (Series)
by Suzanne Collins

The Maze Runner (Series)
by James Dashner

Out of Africa
by Isak Dinesen

The House of the Scorpion
by Nancy Farmer

Flowers for Algernon
by Daniel Keyes

The Call of the Wild
by Jack London

The Giver
by Louis Lowry

Cinder (Series)
by Marissa Meyer

Divergent (Series)
by Veronica Roth

Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry
by Mildred D. Taylor

The Hiding Place
by Corrie Ten Boom

The Unlikely Hero of Room 13B
by Teresa Toten

Homecoming
by Cynthia Voigt

Uglies
by Scott Westerfield

Brown Girl Dreaming
by Jacqueline Woodson

Milestones to Achieve

Work your eighth grader can do:

Do homework independently

Sweep and mop the floor

Mow lawns

Use a cordless drill

Look after siblings or maybe babysit

Help shop for groceries

Use kitchen knives

Take out the trash

Frost a cake

Start, manage, and put out a fire

Help with plumbing, drywall, or painting the home

Practice a sport, musical instrument, or other skill

Fun to Have

Board Games:

Catch Phrase

Apples to Apples

Balderdash

Say Anything

Taboo

Rummikub

Scattergories

Been There, Done That

Card Games:

Spoons

Slap Jack

Crazy Eights

B.S. / I Doubt It

Game of Things

Phase 10

Activities:

Art class

Cooking class

Woodworking class

Local museum or the zoo

Water park

Local sporting event

Hiking

Train for a 5K

“Would You Rather?”

Drive-in movie

Long boarding

App games

Kayaking

An escape room

Progressive dinner

Fishing

Outdoor concerts

Visits to a historical marker

Coach a little league team together

Words to Speak

Good morning, I love you, I have noticed, tell me more, I hope you know, I’m really proud when, I’m sorry, don’t be mean, you’ll do well next year because…, I was thinking about you, want a hug?, good night, you are beautiful/handsome, be yourself, thanks for trusting me, you’re enough, me too.

This year you will…

DEVELOP POSITIVE ROUTINES

Some healthy habits happen without conversation—just by exercising and playing outside with your sixth grader and scheduling a physical once per year. You can also improve your eighth grader’s habits with a few simple words.

Say things like…

How do I know if this is healthy?

What would you like for dinner this week? (Let them participate in dinner plans, and eat together whenever possible.)

What do your friends say about alcohol?

Let’s do this together.

How can I help you feel less stressed?

It’s time to turn it off and go to bed! (Teens need 9-11 hours of sleep.)

When was the last time you drank some water?

INTERPRET WHAT IS CHANGING

Your eighth grader may find themselves in a situation that creates tension between what they have always believed and what they feel in the moment. Talk with your teen about what is changing socially as it relates to pressures, opportunities, and expectations.

Say things like…

If you ever feel like someone is wanting you to do something you don’t want to do, you could always say…

When Jon commented on your post, what did he mean by…?

That’s a good question. I’m so glad you asked me.

Who do you know that is dating?

You are brave to share that.

I’m here if you want to talk.

Thank you for talking about this. Can we talk about it again another time?

Plan ahead. By the beginning of ninth grade, 30% of teens report being sexually active.

COLLABORATE A PLAN AROUND TECHNOLOGY

Your eighth grader publishes content to the world, and the world answers back. Whether they have their own social media accounts or know a friend who does, there’s a good chance e your eighth grader is connected to about 800 million people you will never meet. That’s enough reason to have some conversations.

Say things like…

What do you think is a healthy amount of time for you to spend online?

What should the password be?

Is it okay if I comment on your posts?

Let’s set up that account together.

What you post is public, even if it feels private, and it can be permanent.

I saw this video and it made me think of you.

For help with how to manage phones at this phase, check out the free cell phone guide at ParentCue.org/CellPhoneGuide

PROVOKE DISCOVERY

Your eighth grader wants to discover how faith applies to them, right now. Connect biblical truth to their everyday world by purchasing a youth Bible, so they have access to articles and devotional copy that can inspire them. And, connect faith to everyday experiences through conversations at home.

Say things like…

“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 (Repeat simple Bible verses.)

Can we pray about this together?

How can I pray for you today?

God made you, He knows you, and He loves you.

The way you live can show others who Jesus is.

When do you feel closest to God?

What would be fun way we could serve others together?

That’s a great question. I don’t know the answer, but we can find out.

I have questions, too. What other things do you wonder about?

I don’t know why… But I do know God is good.