Parenting Your 6th Grader

JUMP TO SECTION

The Phase when there’s never enough groceries, too many hormones, and a dramatic kid that needs someone to prove, “Who cares.”

NO PHASE HAS LESS CONSISTENCY

Your sixth grader may still want to sleep with their stuffed animal—and also their new cell phone. They may appear sloppy and unkempt one moment a nd preppy and overdressed the next., They may be silly, sad, mean, or affectionate. That’s what makes every day (or hour) a new opportunity to discover who this growing person is now.

IN 52 WEEKS, YOUR SIXTH GRADER MAY GROW THREE INCHES AND GAIN TEN POUNDS

The place you’re most likely to notice the growth is in your grocery bill. Buy in bulk. Keep carbs handy. This might be a good year to shop the discount aisle.

THERE WILL BE TEARS (BOTH YOURS AND THEIRS)

Doors will slam. Drama will happen. But amid all the ups and downs, now is the time to lean in even more closely. Then they push, prove you can’t be pushed away. When they change, prove you will love them consistently. When they break your trust, prove you are someone who can be trusted. It may be challenging, but keep showing up so there’s never any reason to wonder, “Who cares.”

Love to Give

“Who do I like?”

This is the one major question your sixth grader is asking. For many, this is the first year of middle school, which means an entirely new social context: lockers, health class, and dating couples. Regardless of their particular school, every sixth grader has an increased social and self-awareness.

Your sixth grader is also asking, “Who likes me?” Your kid needs to feel seen, known, and accepted by both peers and adults. You can give your sixth grader the kind of love that builds their sense of worth by affirming their personal journey.

When you affirm their personal journey, you communicate…

…what matters to you matters to me.

…your feelings and friendships have value.

…I will love you no matter what.

WAYS TO LOVE

-Time together. What are some times during your week when you connect best?

-Pay attention to what they like. What does your sixth grader enjoy the most right now?

Books to Read

Seeds of America (Series)
by Laurie Halse Anderson

Sounder
by William H. Armstrong

Crispin: The Cross of Lead
by Avi

Tuck Everlasting
by Natalie Babbitt

Bud, Not Buddy
by Christopher Paul Curtis

Flora and Ulysses
by Kate DiCamillo

The Sports Beat (Series)
by John Feinstein

The Ranger’s Apprentice (Series)
by John A. Flanagan

Anne Frank: Diary of a Young Girl
by Anne Frank

Out of the Dust
by Karen Hesse

Redwall
by Brian Jacques

Inside Out and Back Again
by Thanhha Lai

Wonder
by R.J. Palacio

A Long Walk to Water
by Linda Sue Park

Middle School (Series)
by James Patterson

Bridge to Terabithia
by Katherine Paterson

Percy Jackson and the Olympians (Series)
by Rick Riodan

Holes
by Louis Sachar

The Library Card
by Jerry Spinelli

The Book Thief
by Markus Zusak

Milestones to Achieve

Work your sixth grader can do:

Bathe and put on deodorant

Pack a lunch

Do homework independently

Plant or pet-sit for neighbors

Change bed sheets, make their bed, and clean their room

Take out the trash

Sort, wash, fold, and put away laundry

Sew a button

Use a ladder

Talk to the cashier, pay for a purchase, and count change

Practice a sport, musical instrument, or other skill

Bake or cook simple meals

Fun to Have

Board Games:

Chess

All Aboard

Ticket to Ride

Pictionary

Say Anything

Racko

Pass the Pigs

Tribond

Double Ditto

Loaded Questions

Risk

Stratego

Speak Out

Rummikub

Card Games:

Spoons

Slap Jack

Crazy Eights

Spades

Uno/ Spicy Uno

Exploding Kittens

Activities:

Draw, paint, make jewelry, build models

Legos

100+ piece jigsaw puzzles

H.O.R.S.E (basketball)

Four square

Corn hole

Capture the flag

Foxes and hounds

Glow bowling

Train for a 5K

Arcade games

Water games

Glow golf, mini golf

Kan Jam

Words to Speak

Good morning, I love you, I have noticed, keep trying, I hope you know, have fun, please, keep trying, thank you, I’m really proud when, want a hug?, I’ve been thinking, I’m sorry, work hard, be kind, I enjoy spending time with you, you are beautiful/handsome, your choices today impact your opportunities tomorrow, you’re enough

This year you will…

DEVELOP POSITIVE ROUTINES

Some healthy habits happen without conversation—just by exercising and playing outside with your sixth grader and scheduling a physical once per year. You can also improve your sixth grader’s habits with a few simple words.

Say things like…

Did you shower… with soap?

Did you put on deodorant?

What would you like for dinner this week? (Let them participate in dinner plans, and eat together whenever possible.)

I’m going to exercise at least three times a week.

Let’s do this together.

Time for bed. (Pre-teens need 10-11 hours of sleep.)

Yes, that’s normal.

Everyone goes through setbacks.

INTERPRET WHAT IS CHANGING

Your sixth grader is both interested and sure when it comes to questions about sex and dating. This is a fragile time for conversations, so take extra precautions not to embarrass them about their body, their curiosity, or their questions. Consistently communicate affirmation and respect.

Say things like…

You don’t need to wear something like that to get attention.

Thank you for talking about this. Can we talk about it again another time?

That’s a good question. I’m so glad you asked me. (Answer questions about sex in detail; if you don’t the internet will.)

I’m here if you want to talk.

I love the way your eyes shine when you laugh. (Increase positive affirmation and affection.)

Tahnk you for sharing that with me; you are brave to share that.

Plan ahead. The middle school years can be tough. Eleven is the average age a kid views pornography for the first time. By the beginning of ninth grade, 30% of teens report being sexually active.

COLLABORATE A PLAN

Your sixth grader has a phone or is begging for one. According to a study by Influence Central, the average age for a kid to get their first smartphone is around ten years old. But your sixth grader may not realize that deciding whether or not they can have a phone is just the beginning of the conversation.

Say things like…

I need you phone at 7pm every night.

Let me find out more about that and I will let you know.

I saw this video and it made me think of you.

We should respect people online as much as we respect them in person.

Which of your friends have a phone? What do they do on their phone?

I will always love you no matter what you do.

For help with how to manage phones at this phase, check out the free cell phone guide at ParentCue.org/CellPhoneGuide

PROVOKE DISCOVERY

Your sixth grader needs consistent, positive friends and mentors—now more than ever before. This year, help them strengthen their church relationships through a Student DNA, and stay engaged in their personal faith journey by having conversations at home.

Say things like…

Can we pray about this together?

How can I pray for you today?

God will never stop loving you.

God made you, He knows you, and He loves you.

The way you live can show others who Jesus is.

I am fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14. Repeat simple Bible verses.)

That’s a great question. I don’t know, but we can find out.

I have questions, too. What are other things you wonder about?

Have you read anything in the Bible that means a lot to you right now?

I don’t know why… but I do know God is good.

Is there somewhere we could serve together?