Parenting Your 7th Grader

JUMP TO SECTION

The Phase when nothing you do is cool, what they feel right now matters most, and one suddenly social kid wants to know, “Who’s going?”

NOW—YOU’RE EMBARRASSING

Figuring out the new rules for your social behavior can be intimidating. When. is it acceptable to walk over and say hello? Why do all your comments elect an eye roll? Don’t be caught off guard—you’re transitioning to parenting an adolescent. This may be an awkward phase for you.

NOW—EVERYTHING HAPPENS IN A CROWD

It may be hard to recognize your seventh grader amid all the other seventh graders. They walk the hall in pairs. They go to the mall in a herd. They build unfathomably large social media platforms. In seventh grade, the best place to be is wherever “everyone” goes."

NOW—IS REALLY ALL THAT MATTERS

It’s not that what you said this morning doesn’t matter, it’s just that they don’t remember it. And it’s not that they don’t care about their future, it’s just that the present is so much closer. Most seventh graders are hyperaware of their present reality. That means there isn’t anything quite so motivating as right now. Look for ways to use right now to your advantage, and appeal to their present circumstances.

Love to Give

“Who am I?”

This is the one major question your seventh grader is asking. They are in a season of personal discovery. Not everyone makes the team. Interests and abilities change. Long-accepted values can come into question. On top of all that, this phase is a time of heightened self-awareness.

Seventh graders realize no one is exactly like them—which can be both exhilarating and unnerving. This silent question give insight into why seventh graders are often inconsistent in their friendships, behaviors, or style. You can give your seventh grader a sense of worth by affirming their personal journey.

When you affirm their personal journey, you communicate…

…you are wonderfully and uniquely made.

…your perspective is important.

…I will love you no matter what.

WAYS TO LOVE

-Time together. What are some times during your week when you connect best?

-Pay attention to what they like. What does your seventh grader enjoy the most right now?

Books to Read

The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle
by Avi

Al Capone Does My Shirts (Series)
by Gennifer Choldenko

Out of my Mind
by Sharon Draper

Princess Academy (Series)
by Shannon Hale

The Outsiders
by S.E. Hinton

The Thing About Luck
by Cynthia Kadohata

An American Plague: The True and Terrifying Story of the Yellow Fever Epidemic of 1793
by Jim Murphy

Eragon (Series)
by Cristopher Paolini

Jacob Have I Loved
by Katherine Paterson

A Day No Pigs Would Die
by Robert Newton Peck

The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel (Series)
by Michael Scott

The Sneeches & Yurtle the Turtle
by Dr. Seuss

The Witch of Blackbird Pond
by Elizabeth George Speare

Maniac MaGee
by Jerry Spinelli

Stargirl
by Jerry Spinelli

Treasure Island
by Robert Louis Stevenson

Gulliver’s Travels
by Jonathan Swift

The Hobbit
by J.R.R. Tolkien

Locomotion
by Jacqueline Woodson

Milestones to Achieve

Work your seventh grader can do:

Do homework independently

Vacuum the family vehicle

Look after siblings

Sort, wash, fold, and put away laundry

Download and clip coupons

Prepare a family meal

Take out the trash

Learn to iron clothes

Change light bulbs

Make a grocery list

Use a handsaw and a pocketknife

Practice a sport, musical instrument, or other skill

Fun to Have

Board Games:

Catch Phrase

Apples to Apples

Balderdash

Say Anything

Taboo

Rummikub

Card Games:

Spoons

Slap Jack

Crazy Eights

B.S. / I Doubt It

Monopoly Deal

Mafia

Activities:

Art classes

An escape room

Events at the library

Local museums/ zoo

Laser tag

Water park

Family Netflix Roulette

Taste Test

Fly a Kite

Local sporting event

Soccer golf/ Soccer tennis

Train for a 5K

Glow bowling

Glow golf, mini golf

Arcade games

Photo shoot

Go karts

Words to Speak

Good morning, I love you, I have noticed, tell me more, I hope you know, I’m really proud when, I’m sorry, don’t be mean, I was thinking about you, want a hug?, good night, you are beautiful/handsome, be yourself, thanks for trusting me, you’re enough, me too.

This year you will…

DEVELOP POSITIVE ROUTINES

Some healthy habits happen without conversation—just by exercising and playing outside with your seventh grader and scheduling a physical once per year. You can also improve your seventh grader’s habits with a few simple words.

Say things like…

What do you know about anorexia/ cutting/ protein supplements? (Talk about body image.)

What would you like for dinner this week? (Let them participate in dinner plans, and eat together whenever possible.)

What are you learning in health class?

Let’s do this together.

How can I help you feel less stressed?

Time for bed! (Preteens need 10-11 hours of sleep.)

Since you didn’t make soccer, maybe you can try out for track. (Help put failure in perspective.)

When was the last time you drank some water?

INTERPRET WHAT IS CHANGING

Seventh graders are intensely curious about sex, dating, and their changing bodies. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, on average, kids begin dating between 12-13 years old. So chances are pretty good that your seventh grader has at least thought about the idea of a romantic relationship. Let your seventh grader know you are a safe place to process their questions.

Say things like…

I love the way your eyes shine when you laugh.

What does it mean to honor God with your body?

That’s a good question. I’m so glad you asked me.

Who do you know that is dating?

What does dating mean?

I’m here if you want to talk.

Thank you for talking about this. Can we talk about it again another time?

Plan ahead. Twenty-two percent of seventh graders report having sexted in the past six months.

COLLABORATE A PLAN AROUND TECHNOLOGY

Your seventh grader is now a publisher. Whether the content they publish exists in a. text thread or on the internet, there are some important conversations to have with your seventh grader about how they use mobile devices and what kind of content they create.

Say things like…

Let me check the restrictions first.

Saw this video and it made me think of you.

We should respect people online as much as we respect them in person.

What you post is public, even if it feels private, and it can be permanent.

I need your phone at 7pm every night.

Can you teach me how to use this app?

For help with how to manage phones at this phase, check out the free cell phone guide at ParentCue.org/CellPhoneGuide

PROVOKE DISCOVERY

In this phase, your seventh grader may be asking some hard questions. Don’t be shocked (at least not visibly). Doubt isn’t toxic to your middle schooler’s faith; it’s part of the process of personalizing what they believe. Make your home a safe place for them to ask questions, and show interest in what they are learning.

Say things like…

“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 (Repeat simple Bible verses.)

Can we pray about this together?

How can I pray for you today?

God made you, He knows you, and He loves you.

The way you live can show others who Jesus is.

When do you feel closest to God?

What would be fun way we could serve others together?

That’s a great question. I don’t know the answer, but we can find out.

I have questions, too. What other things do you wonder about?

I don’t know why… But I do know God is good.